Grape415

As a fleeting feather in the wind, I'm flailing, falling fast. Shrieking, shouting, shaking, sitting shackled by the past. Mistakes and misdemeanors mock me, maddening my mind and soul. Hatred hidden in my heart hindering hopes of being whole. Fixating fact in fantasy and finding faith in fire. Losing love, lucidity and living life a liar.

I had a dream where I forgot how to feel, Awakened, I prayed that it could all be real, Hurt so many people, broke many a heart, taken too many lives and just tore them apart, Crushed too many souls just to spare my own feelings, Now Karma's coming around with the vengeance he's wielding, For the years of heartbreaking, not a single heart mine, I'll decay on the inside BUT I PROMISE. I'M FINE.

I see you hold her tenderly as I did only nights before, remaining silent as I should, and losing a mental war, I smoke it out, I drink it out, I cry in silent screams, I try to comprehend it all and find what all this means, I drive myself into a daze where ev'rything is bleak, un-creating reality 'til all I do is weep, I see her laughing, smiling, as I ne'er could make her do, Should I be happy cuz she's happy, Or sad cuz she's with you?

Around is all I'll learn to hate, and all that I can love, I can't turn back, no matter how I yell and scream and shove, Stabbed with all I left behind, and blinded to the past, knocked out by all that's left in life and forced to finish last, So throw myself into this wall, and crash onto the floor, Hateful, haunting, hard reminders of how things were before, The walls of white containing me, and driving me insane, no longer will I sleep at night, without numbing my thoughts and brain, And while I'll find the way around, this never will feel right, So rock-a-bye, I'll cuddle me, and slip into the night.

When I think of that first day, I will always remember the air as being too warm, and your clothes being wrinkled, your hair a complete mess. I remember how your nerves had your every sentence starting with “uhm” and how I hated indecisiveness and you couldn’t make up your mind, and I remember thinking I could do better without you. Now, I know that first impressions aren’t quite as important as they tell you every time you open that front door with your mismatched socks and complimentary sarcasm, armed with a crooked smile and bad grammar. Because if that were true, I would have said hello and goodbye in the same sent

it's not easy to explain -- but i'm a rushed symphony of heartbeats, quick breaths and hiccups. i'm not made of skin and bones, but a complicated sentence structure and thoughts that i spew out before i even finish them. i'm messy in all the wrong ways. and i'm not right in any of the ways that matter. but still you're always here, picking me up when i fall, kissing me goodnight, making a life with me one day at a time. and you haven't gone yet but i'm always moving so how long can you stay. how long can i expect it. how long is too long when you're living and loving and breathing and hell, if i can't stay still i'll mess this up for sure.

I can still feel the weight of your lips on the curve of my collarbone. Sometimes, it feels paralyzing, crushing, absolute. Sometimes, it feels like home. Like everything. I once heard that when you can't fall asleep it means you're awake in someone else's dream. I wonder which one of us was dreaming that night, because everything was too quiet, too easy, too perfect. You used to fall asleep next to me, your body curled against mine. It's a warmth that's not easy to forget. A hidden smile tucked into pillows and sheets. It's easy to think these things will last forever when you're tangled up together. For me, the strings of my life will alwa